DMV Mishaps
by Deliliah and Nathan
Summary: ONESHOT. What happens when everyones favorite dark lord goes to an anger management class so he can get his muggle licence?


DMV Mishaps

"Lucius!" Voldemort yelled down the stairs as he entered the hallway in the sparkly pink suit he had bought the day before. Coming to a halt at Voldemorts' feet, Lucius kissed his shoes before puffing.

"Yes my liege?"

"You are to take me to the DMV to get my muggle license." He told the man groveling at his feet. A few moments later they were in the Malfoys' black Camarro headed towards the DMV.

"Finally!" Voldemort yelled as the car came to a stop, he hated muggle travel it was so slow. Once he finished kissing the sidewalk, he and Lucius walked towards the large grey stone building looming over them. Lucius got the paperwork from the all but cheery person behind the desk and proceeded to question Voldemort to fill it out.

"What's your age" he asked, he was thinking a lot higher than the answer he received.

"Thirty-eight." Voldemort said absentmindedly. It took them about forty minutes to finish filling it out since the questions name and DOB remained unanswered.

After the paperwork was returned to the desk a very cheery looking instructor came out and took a very disgruntled looking Voldemort out to the car.

"Do you know what to do first?" she asked, she faced plastered with that annoyingly false smile.

"Kill the pedestrian." He said aiming his wand at the small boy waiting to cross the busy street.

"NO!" she gasped. Then trying again he tried he told her

"Kill Harry Potter?"

"Goodness no!" she shrieked. "If you want to get a license you'll have to attend an anger management class; it starts in ten minutes." She explained as she got out of the car, closing the door after her.

Lucius was surprised to see Voldemort enter the building less than three minutes. He thought even the Dark Lord could pass a muggle driving test.

"So how'd it go?" he asked standing up and smoothing out his pants.

"I have to take an anger management class." Voldemort replied speaking to the drab grey floor. Lucius, fighting the urge not to laugh asked.

"When?" it took a few minutes before the reply came.

"It's today, now actually, I'll be back in an hour." Then turning to his right walked down the hallway.

Taking a deep breath Voldemort pushed open the dark oak door to find exactly twenty people sitting in a semi-circle facing a chair sat in front of a large window covering a whole side of the room. As he stepped into the room someone darted behind him and snatched his wand from his hand. Furious he whipped around ready to ground whoever was behind him into dust; but instead became speechless when he came face to face with…

"POTTER!!" he exclaimed wondering why he was here.

"Hullo Voldy," Harry said "please take a seat, we'll start in a few minutes." he gestured to an empty chair. Voldemort plopped down next to a guy in midnight blue robes and pouted.

"Geez, what's your problem?" he demanded, finally noticing someone was sitting next to him.

"He took my wand." Voldemort whined.

"Boo hoo he took every ones' weapons so stop feeling sorry for yourself." The guy told him as Harry put a box of weapons in the middle of the group.

"Can anyone tell me why I took these?" he asked very slowly looking at every person in the room. The only person who spoke though was a guy dressed in all black.

"Cause your evil?" Harry blinked at him wondering why he was even in the room.

"No." Harry said flatly "Because these are angry things and angry things are not something we need around us." He paused to take a breath before continuing. "Now does anyone know why we are all here?" the guy in black spoke again

"To harness our souls to use for evil purposes?" everyone ignored him and listened to Harry continued.

"It's because we're angry; now for today we'll find out why someone next to us is angry, you any start anytime." Voldemort turned towards the guy in blue and asked

"So why are you here?"

"You first." The guy said pointing at him

"Fine" Voldemort whispered "I'm trying to enslave the world and the instructor thought I wasn't cheery enough to drive a bloody car." He finished quickly. The other guy started.

"My patrol officer decided I need to learn to express my anger in health doses instead of blowing up at random people." At that moment their attention was taken by Harry as he took a place in front in front of the chairs.

"Each of your weapons are electrically charged and if you reach for any of them you'll get a shock." He looked once more around the room.

"You may do as you wish."

Had anyone been walking by the door they would have heard several screams of pain, making them wonder what was happening inside. Lucius who was said was looking for the bathroom, and being one who likes pain wanted to see who was inflicting it and who was getting hurt walked though the door. If Voldemort had known who would walk through the door he would have thought more thoroughly about what he did. When Voldemort saw his wand he dove and grabbed it. As his body was filled with electrical currents and he started screaming the door opened. The face of Lucius Malfoy lit up when he saw the Dark Lord withering on the ground, tears streaming involuntarily down his pasty face. Malfoy backed out of the room laughing silently knowing that he had enough blackmail on Voldemort to torment him for the rest of his life.

**If I owned Harry Potter I'd be lying on a beach somewhere drinking a margarita in front of my own private beach house instead of writing fan fiction. Please only leave constructive criticism and be nice on your reviews.**


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